jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
