hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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