Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
