did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
