He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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