Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
