I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
