just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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