I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
