my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
