remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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