hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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