Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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