she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
