Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
