It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Walk of Shame today included voting.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
