her facebook's as public as her vagina
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
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