Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
