Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
