Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
