def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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