New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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