never play flip cup with pint glasses
He told me they were just razor bumps!
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
