I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
