I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
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