Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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