The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
