that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You ruined the universe
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
