I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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