if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
