Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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