The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
