trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
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