Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
