The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
