I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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