oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
