It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
