What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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