I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
