I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
