Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Come share oat with me in your robe
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
