o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
