My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
