i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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