so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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