mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
