Fine. I'll sleep in my office
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
