went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
do herpes really smell.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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