how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
