did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I have aggressive nipples.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
